{"id":46984,"date":"2026-04-29T18:04:00","date_gmt":"2026-04-30T01:04:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sandiegohumor.com\/?p=46984"},"modified":"2026-04-29T18:08:07","modified_gmt":"2026-04-30T01:08:07","slug":"california-balances-budget-chp-i5-speeding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sandiegohumor.com\/california-balances-budget-chp-i5-speeding\/","title":{"rendered":"California Balances Budget After CHP Discovers Every Driver On I-5 Is Speeding"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>SAN DIEGO, CA \u2014 California officials announced Tuesday that the state budget has been fully balanced after a 24-hour CHP speeding crackdown revealed that every driver on Interstate 5 was technically going fast enough to fund several public programs.<\/p>\n<p>The statewide Maximum Enforcement Period, originally intended to reduce dangerous speeding, reportedly became a fiscal breakthrough within minutes of officers setting up near Mission Bay.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBy 6:14 a.m., we realized we had accidentally solved several long-term revenue issues,\u201d said one imaginary state budget analyst, staring at a spreadsheet that simply read \u201cI-5: unlimited money.\u201d \u201cEvery Civic, Tacoma, Tesla, Sprinter van, and mysteriously confident Nissan Altima was going at least 11 over. At that point, this became less of a traffic operation and more of a municipal bond strategy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>CHP officials said they were especially impressed by San Diego drivers\u2019 commitment to treating the posted speed limit as a loose suggestion written for tourists, moving trucks, and people still merging from SeaWorld Drive.<\/p>\n<p>By noon, the state had reportedly collected enough theoretical citation revenue to cover road repairs, wildfire prevention, and one preliminary environmental review for a future bathroom in Ocean Beach.<\/p>\n<p>At press time, state officials were considering a second enforcement period on the 805, which analysts believe could fund the high-speed rail that has been famously been behind budget.<\/p>\n<p><!-- Source: https:\/\/www.nbcsandiego.com\/news\/local\/24-hour-enforcement-period-begins-throughout-california-to-combat-speeding\/4016341\/ --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>California officials reportedly solved the budget after discovering every driver on I-5 was technically speeding.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":46986,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_yoast_wpseo_focuskw":"","_yoast_wpseo_title":"","_yoast_wpseo_metadesc":"","_yoast_wpseo_linkdex":"","_yoast_wpseo_content_score":"30","nf_dc_page":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-46984","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-satire","infinite-scroll-item","generate-columns","tablet-grid-50","mobile-grid-100","grid-parent","grid-33","no-featured-image-padding"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.5 - 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