SAN DIEGO, CA \u2014 Following Pope Francis\u2019 passing on April 21st, the Catholic Church is looking to hit a real home run selecting the next leader of 1.4 billion faithful world wide. Vatican insiders now suggest an unlikely frontrunner: the San Diego Padres\u2019 very own Swingin\u2019\u00a0Friar.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n
According to sources, there is growing support for the rotund, robed mascot to get the call when the white smoke rises from the Sistine Chapel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cContrary to popular belief, one does not have to be a cardinal to become pope,\u201d explained Dr. Beatrice Papalopolis, a professor of theology at Georgetown. \u201cIn fact, the St. Louis Cardinals\u2019 mascot, Fredbird, is almost certainly ineligible\u2014even though he\u2019s technically a Cardinal\u2014because he appears to be some sort of anthropomorphic mutant bird.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While the papacy has long been dominated by Italians, recent history has seen global representation with Pope John Paul II from Poland and Pope Francis from Argentina. In that light, a Fred-Flintstone-looking Californian friar with a hot dog cannon may not be as far-fetched as it sounds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not everyone is happy with the prospect; the Swingin\u2019 Friar\u2019s giant foam head and unblinking smile strike some as off-putting, and there are concerns of unorthodoxy, as many believe that he is fully in favor of firing t-shirts into the crowds from the balcony at the Vatican.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Those wary of a Swingin\u2019 Friar papacy can take solace that nothing is certain yet. \u201cLet\u2019s not forget,\u201d one senior bishop remarked, \u201cit would be very on-brand for a San Diego contender to collapse in the final stretch.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"