SAN DIEGO \u2014 As the FAA slashes flights nationwide, thousands of tourists at San Diego International Airport are bravely enduring the unspeakable hardship of being stranded in America\u2019s Finest City\u2014with nothing but temperate weather, sparkling beaches, and an alarming surplus of fish tacos to sustain them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“I\u2019ve already had to reschedule my flight twice,” wept tourist Mike Garson, nervously applying sunscreen. “The support groups on Coronado Beach are full\u2014just like my Instagram story. How much more can we take?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Officials advise those marooned in San Diego to ration avocado toast and prepare for emotional instability triggered by consecutive mild sunsets. Forced to adapt, visitors spend hours hiking Torrey Pines, frequenting breweries, and fending off unsolicited surf lessons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Passenger well-being is our top priority,” said an airline rep seen paddle boarding during her lunch break. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
For now, courageous tourists vow to soldier on, clinging to the hope that someday, somehow, they\u2019ll have to return home to real life\u2014and snow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"