PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA \u2014 In a moment that shocked absolutely no one west of Arizona, the Groundhog Day forecast confirmed that the East Coast will endure more winter, while San Diego has been awarded 48 more uninterrupted weeks of perfect weather.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
According to the report, the groundhog emerged, saw his shadow, and immediately apologized to the East Coast before checking Zillow listings in North County. Experts say this is consistent with a long-standing meteorological phenomenon known as \u201cSan Diego Always Gets Away With It.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n While much of the East Coast prepares for additional snow, ice, and emotional damage, San Diegans spent the morning debating whether it was a \u201choodie day\u201d or a \u201clight long-sleeve day,\u201d ultimately choosing neither. Local residents were seen eating breakfast outside, jogging along the coast, and casually mentioning the weather to friends back east \u201cjust to check in.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI feel bad for them,\u201d said one San Diego resident while wearing flip-flops in February. \u201cBut also, I\u2019m at the beach, so\u2026 not that bad.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Meteorologists confirmed that San Diego\u2019s forecast for the foreseeable future includes highs between 75 and 80 degrees, mild ocean breezes, and exactly one annual rainstorm that will cause complete citywide confusion. The storm is expected to shut down traffic, cancel plans, and generate at least 400 Instagram stories captioned \u201cWE NEEDED THIS.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Meanwhile, East Coast residents reportedly responded to the forecast by layering jackets, staring out frosted windows, and questioning every life choice that didn\u2019t involve moving west in 2014.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The groundhog, when asked to clarify the forecast, issued a brief statement: \u201cI don\u2019t make the rules. San Diego just doesn\u2019t experience consequences.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n At press time, San Diegans were bracing for the toughest challenge of the season: deciding whether to complain that it\u2019s \u201ctoo nice to focus\u201d while everyone else shovels snow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"