Satire

California Balances Budget After CHP Discovers Every Driver On I-5 Is Speeding
California officials reportedly solved the budget after discovering every driver on I-5 was technically speeding.

San Diego Officials Monitoring Dead Whale To Determine If It Needs A Permit To Be In Ocean
San Diego officials are reportedly monitoring a dead whale off Encinitas to determine whether it has the proper permits to be in the ocean.

Padres Fans Can Now Finance Game-Night Parking in 4 Easy Klarna Payments
As San Diego game-night parking near Petco Park hits $10 an hour, Padres fans can now hypothetically split the pain into four easy Klarna payments.

Local Finance Bros Flip Padres Puffer Vests for 300% Return Before 3rd Inning
A Padres giveaway night at Petco Park quickly became a resale frenzy as local finance bros flipped free puffer vests to cover San Diego game-night parking.

NASA Astronauts Return from Moon to Find San Diego Has Issued Them a $75 Parking Ticket
Four astronauts returning from the first crewed lunar flyby in 53 years splash down off San Diego — only to find the city has issued a $75 Coastal Aquatic Parking Zone fee for their Orion capsule.

In-N-Out Employees Enlist at San Diego Airport to Serve Up Efficient Line Management During TSA Meltdown
As the government shutdown drags on and TSA lines hit 4+ hours, San Diego airport enlists In-N-Out employees to bring their legendary line management skills to Terminal 2.

Arizona Residents Now Buying Gas in Bulk to Sell to Californians at a Premium
In what economists are calling the most predictable black market in American history, Arizona residents have begun reselling gasoline to desperate Californians at a 40% markup.

Westfield UTC Announces New One-Hour Fitness Program: Shopping Under Pressure
In response to the newly imposed one-hour free parking limit, Westfield UTC shoppers are now encouraged to power-walk, jog, or even sprint through their errands to avoid additional fees.

San Diegans Celebrate as Strong Winds Heroically Take Down Parking Meters
SAN DIEGO — In a stunning turn of meteorological events, this week’s powerful winds have been officially nominated for “San Diegan of the ...

San Diego Considers Charging a Fee to Watch the Sunset
SAN DIEGO — City officials announced this week they are considering a proposal that would charge residents and visitors to watch the sun ...